Falling apart. When your little snug, cozy and pleasant life starts breaking down and slipping through your fingers. You feel bad. You feel awful. You feel fucked up. Because it was your world and you ruled over it. In a sense, you feel robbed or invaded because this was only yours and no one else’s. Well, that’s the game, occasionally.

 

In such moments, people react differently – some want to cry, others are angry, third want to hurt the rest. Do you know what? That’s ok. Feeling this way is perfectly fine. Perhaps you’ll hear or see many claiming that you have to be strong and smiling and positive; let them talk. You cannot smile or stay positive in such moments, we all agree. I think you have to be real, and this means to do the things you want to because this is the only chance you can find the way out. It’s easy to feel the sun rays on your skin and say it’s warm. You know what I mean.

 

What kind of things I do? Well, it depends. As I already said, people react differently, and even a single person could react differently because we are complicated creatures, are we not? With me, usually, creating something, understand art, helps a lot. This is where I put all this pent-up energy and create something, I think, beautiful and meaningful. Occasionally I want to hurt other people. Why? Because it gives you a false feeling of justice and equity. You are hurt, you want to see others hurt – simple as that. Later we realize how stupid this is, and we often regret our actions or words.

 

Sometimes I want to cry, like a little girl; to cry and be soothed, to wail and be caressed; I want someone to come and tell me, “Hey, it’s gonna be fine.” It never happens, though. Because all our lives we’ve been taught to believe in something whether this is God, the universe or your mighty parents; we have to believe in something. And all our lives we haven’t been taught to believe in ourselves, or trust what and who we are. To see the things we can create, not God, not the Universe or some other omnipresent power. We are nothing in our own eyes.

 

And when it gets dark and clouds start gathering, who’s there? No one. Exactly. No one but you because, remember, this is your world. Then defend it, protect it, keep it, change it, shape it. It’s yours. You are the boss and you decide. I have to go now, I have a world to defend.

 

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