Am I going crazy? Am I the only one who thinks the whole world is just one face? Am I blind and senseless? Questions, questions, more questions and no answers.

Is it possible? Is anything possible at all? Or is it just an illusion, an oasis of dreams, a great conspiracy of some cruel Gods playing their twisted games?

Yes! Yes! I must be going crazy. Look, this makes no sense. But, before I take my life, I will want you to listen to me. I will be quick: all crazy dudes are quick, aren’t they. We just don’t have anything to lose, because we’ve already lost our minds…

But our hearts are still there. Beating, drumming, pushing us forward relentlessly and straight to our doom. Because there is no greater suffering than the broken image of a love that never came true. That will never come true.

But we just cannot accept it. We always believe in the impossible and hold on to our longings and daydreaming. We would, no matter what our brains tell us, still imagine and taste the kiss that would never happen. We would shiver in excitement, full of anticipation, on the brink of a terrible outburst of nausea, to press our lips to those of the creature we want so badly. We would smile at the shadows, hoping that the other one is also imagining how we dance together in the rhythm of a hot summer night.

We would believe it even if our dreams fail us a thousand times. A phone ringing: it’s her, it’s him! No question about it, she found me. A knock on the door: he has come to confess his love! I knew it! But it wouldn’t happen, over and over again: the phone will send a hundred arrows into our heart and the knock on the door will knock us down on the floor, leaving us to drown in tears.

And come the morning, we’d be still hoping for a smile, a word, a touch, a kiss.

I hate it. Now that I don’t have anything to lose, I can freely admit it. I hate this world and all that exists. I hate the birds because they seem to find a meaning and strength to carry on. I hate the trees: all they care about is dancing with the wind. I hate the clouds and the sky and the sea and the horizon because they always have a reason to show up. I just want to disappear, to evaporate like a drop of rain, to erase my presence from the face of Earth like a wrong word on an immaculately white piece of paper. But my bloody heart won’t let me do it, it keeps beating on and on.

What am I to do? Help me, tell me. But you are not real, aren’t you? I am not real, too, nothing is real. Nothing! But it still hurts. How is this possible? Life is dead, the Gods are dead, music is dead, the stars are dead. Because they don’t care about us, about me and you…

Wait, hold on a second! Shhh, is this a phone ringing?

 

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